Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
