I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hippo gnu deer
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
