Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
