We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
