Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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