If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
