girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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