I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
