I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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