Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
