Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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