i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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