so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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