Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
