I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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