Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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