I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
