She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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