Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
