We won't sleep together?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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