I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
