I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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