My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
