I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
