i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
