its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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