if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
