i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
