Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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