Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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