I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
