just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
