so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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