I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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