I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
