I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
