I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
