SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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