i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
