what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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