just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
operation have a gay friend backfired
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
