I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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