When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
