Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
