He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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