ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
