This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
