So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
