I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
