whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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