The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
