Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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